At certain times of the day, I feel my sense of direction and motivation is waning. Right now, I can definitely feel how intensely sleep deprivation affects me. Overcompensation is seldom a good method to ‘win’ back time. Yawning does feel good though. Reflection is imminent — I have missed writing dearly.
Why do I do what I do? It seems like this question keeps popping up lately and there are constant reminders of this question in my daily life. I find myself questioning my purpose a lot these days. What is our purpose with life? Can we only do ourselves justice by becoming as masterful as we can in our crafts? Can we be better humans? Should we aim to connect to each other on a deeper, more meaningful level? Can we do this before connecting better to ourselves?
We tell other people to do things that are projections from our own wrongdoings and mistakes…things that we want to see change in but perhaps we are too afraid to speak up.
Life can be full and life can be empty. Vivid or dreary.
Life is full of polarities and extremities. Moderation was when humanity was left untouched, when nature was left to be handled by nature itself. With every touch and step we make, there is an effect, there is an influence — there is change. In the construct of the average life, we are told that a human should be a productive member of society or that person will become potentially isolated, ostracized and criticized. As artists (although also humans in general), we often waver between intense periods of being motivated and purposeful then descending into a spiral of lethargy, depression and inquisition of what we are actually doing and if it is worthwhile to be doing.
Artists are the paint, the pastels, the color to the blank canvas; the pencil lines to a sketch. We want everyone to realize the true definition of what the fabric of the universe really is.
reflections on this entry | April 28th, 2019
It’s interesting to re-read particular thoughts that were viciously occupying my mind on repeat for so long. I’ve only just managed to clear a lot of these thoughts in the six weeks. It’s also really interesting that I chose to use ‘we’ versus ‘me’ a lot here. I didn’t notice I was writing like that at the time, but to give you all some context, these entries are one to one from my inner thoughts to paper.
The inner conflict for me was stemming from what I considered to be my identity. These labels that encompassed the make up of my identity : the teacher, the artist and the athlete. If I can only drink 250ml of water but I have 3 glasses on the table, I’m not going to be able to finish a lot of water from each of the cups effectively. The competitive nature that has been on display for so long went into hibernation. The artist was my new muse, and I have been and still am very enamored with the artist within.
To reflect on the fabric of the universe, I think it is more to do with being really appreciative of what the world has to offer in its most simplest form. Not all of what we view on social media, but even the littlest, mundane things we see in nature like the sound of water caressing the shoreline and how something like lying back onto a plush pillow can bring me more joy than most things you could give to me.
I think Marie Kondo said it right with the ‘spark joy’ phrase. What I’m looking for in life is that spark, and to keep it not just alive, but lively.
Passion and balance are not best friends eh?